it is strange, that every day proves something more than what i had believed
i thought that it was a relief to be unofficially untendered to an organisation, a structure
but the weight that lifted upon the end, unsaid and official, felt physical
like a few month's worth of pounds
i thought i had been taking things slow
but it's not yet the definition of "taking things slow", still far
i would like the surprise
to be stronger that i thought i was

the past few weeks have been a flock of migrating birds over the lake in the wide blue expense of a sky
diving into bangkok, smiling profusely once seated on the plane at the prospect of a few days really being in a warm bubble
cutting sharp strokes into j's film screening, convocation, the event, and birthday
and now a standstill, time that i am hoarding hard

here are thoughts that have been swirling around me as i proceed:

• not just a transient presence, but in making sense of all that is encountered, engulfing all that there is to make sense of them, there is nothing wrong in that, but touch-and-go
• this innate resistance to structure or something known - an ideology, a society, a belief, a rule, a regulation, a lifestyle, a habit
• two things to be proper about: communication, and a skeleton of living that allows for better productivity