it is sometimes inconceivable to feel so much lightness and anguish at the same time. we are taught that these two emotions are separate, even contrasted, yet why can't they co-exist peacefully? I am contented enough to lay back, eyes closed, knowing how much I have to embrace and love and love back. I am at the same time so able to trace the outline of my veins with a sharp metal edge. we are taught that it is strange. it feels utterly natural, however...